Thursday, May 20, 2010

The perils of anonymous help

So this random chick writes me up out of the blue and asks me straightforward if I’m the guy who wrote his thesis on Chechnya. Yes, I respond. Aha, she wants to know of my relationship with my thesis tutor. I write back, saying I had a “Frankie says relax moment” with him. She writes back again, complaining about how the tutor is annoying her by saying he won’t read more than four pages of her thesis because of lack of quotations, format placement and other kinds of bullshit which, honestly, only really matter in academic arenas.

I answer back, advising her to call the shots on tutor behavior. She writes back, yet again, complaining about her frustration on not making graduation. I respond, “What’s your thesis about?” She replies, “urban guerrilla”. I think, “hey I know something ‘bout that.” Write back: “send thesis”. Girl gushes, attaches document. Apologies for non-completion of said document. I sit down, open document. Find four mistakes in the “Acknowledgements” section alone. Wonder why people thank God when quite frankly, God has nothing to do with thesis writing.

I continue reading and correct, correct and correct and teach how to quote, and teach how to convert past tenses and how to write a coherent sentence and finally, basically just how to write all together. By Chapter 3, I decide girl has no clue as to what ‘urban’ actually means (don’t even want to get started about her preconception on guerrillas) and write her back, suggesting that she postpone her thesis delivery until further date.

Because I’m that kind of a fool, I offer to receive chapters from her on a monthly basis and correct them for her along with the tutor. E-mail is long but encouraging. I end my teacher wannabe session by clicking ‘send’. Bored by inactivity, albeit ecstatic about my good-deed-doerism, I log onto Facebook. Lo and behold, somebody has added me as a friend. I click on profile and stare and stare and stare again and wonder: all this effort was done for a girl whose bad ass tits will never understand the two hours I went through in order for her to be smart. My fuckn bad for being such a dumbass.

Lesson of the day my young Padawans: Never, and I mean never, help anonymously without checking out a girl’s Facebook profile first.-


todoloquemepasa said...

And never regret anything you've done! That was actually pretty nice of you; people like that are hard to find these days but by no means should you consider yourself a fool!

SHAMI said...

Jajajajaja. You do realize she is probably reading your blog too. I wonder… is this the reason this post is written in English my dear friend. You have been online too long. Next time you decide to help “the one in need” at least tell her to have a coffee with you first. Stop the virtual encounters, and start going out to meet people in person. Granted you will suffer bigger disappointments and probably end up kidnapped again, but still it is worth the risk. “J” says hi.

Pedro said...

Tengo una teoría sobre cómo juzgar a la gente de acuerdo a sus fotos en FB. Si no fuera tan flojo la escribiría en el blog.

Una de las reglas, por ejemplo, es que puedes estar seguro que NO quieres salir con una mujer que sale haciendo muecas/el "fish face"/señas estúpidas con las manos/ o posando en todas sus fotos. Esa mujer es, 100% garantizado, una mujer insoportable y muy probablemente algo estúpida.

El Lord said...

My friend, enjoy it!! What else!! The thing is that she gave you the opportunity to guide her and you couldn´t miss it!!

Besides, for sure this will give you some more additional writing material!!!

Ana Cristina Sosa Morasso said...

hahhaha, the same as SHAMI. She's probably reading and that's probably why you wrote this in ENGLISH. #revenge

Anonymous said...

"Don't explain your jokes. Your audience is smart."
Tina Fey.

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